"Never Once"

I really can't believe that it's been six incredible months, and sometimes still can't believe he's here with us. There were many hard nights, not so long ago, where I would look at Calvin's empty crib next to my bed with tears in my eyes. I've never wanted anything more in my life. Now there are nights that I watch our little guy sleeping in that same spot, also with tears in my eyes. I've never experienced joy and gratitude like this in my life. 

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful."

Never Once
Written by: Jason Ingram, Matt Redman, Tim Wanstall

Calvin's special photo album

One year ago, following some discouraging news about our travel timeline, we were able to send Calvin his first care package. This one included a shirt, stuffed dog (which he still sleeps with), and a photo album. As with all of the paperwork and packages we sent to Taiwan, a little bit of our hearts went with it.

The next time we Skyped him, we saw he was holding that photo album. In every Skype after he almost always was holding it in one hand. His caregivers told us it was his favorite thing. We were so thankful to his loving caregivers for using the photo album to teach him who mama and daddy are.

Now here we are, just about 5 months from the day we came home. Life has been filled with lots of patience, second-guessing, praying, trial and error, and comforting. In addition, it's been filled with lots of fun, silliness, learning, wonder, joy, play, love, and holding tight. We have already worked through (and are still working on) so many challenges. One that especially pulled at my heart was knowing how and when and in what way to leave Calvin with others. On one hand I believe so much in allowing your child to have his or her own experiences, and showing confidence in them as they take big steps. On the other hand, he has only known us as his parents for a little more than 15% of his life. We have an undeniably strong bond but it's still relatively new; most importantly we want to respect his attachment journey and emotions.

We are so thankful to have an understanding and supportive church community to partner with us during this time. The preschool teachers and leaders have been amazing. They have been understanding with Nate staying in the room until Calvin is ready for him to go, or calling us to come back as soon as he needs us. Each week, he's gotten more and more comfortable. Today he amazingly said goodbye to dad as soon as he went into the room!

When I picked him up, the preschool teacher told me they had a breakthrough. He started to cry after a little while and then began pointing to his backpack. They got it down for him, and he opened it up and found one of the random items he had packed in his bag (amongst seashells, snacks, water and bandaids)- his photo album. She said he opened it, found the page with us, and just like that he was fine.

My heart nearly burst. I was filled with thankfulness, for yet again our boy being surrounded by loving caregivers. I was also proud, for our smart guy who is able to use comforting tools to regulate his emotions. And I was reassured, that the necessary foundations of trust and attachment have been well developed.

This journey of adoption - or parenting - or life - can be so confusing and difficult. We are thankful for God placing the most amazing people in our family's life at just the right times. And for one of those rare unexpected moments where something in life comes so beautifully full circle.