Keeping Busy and Staying Patient

On day two of Thanksgiving break, I have made sure to make the most of the day by spending time outside, crafting, working, cooking and cleaning. After a hiatus, my Etsy shop is replenished with new items added! Please  feel free to take a minute and visit the shop: NaturalDiscovery

NaturalDiscovery

All of the sales go directly toward our adoption! 

While my crafting certainly won't cover the adoption, it feels good to do work with my hands that can help a little. We have reached a point where the costs are looking frightening, with our referral fee and travel expenses not too far on the horizon. At first, we were hopeful that we could independently cover the cost of the expenses. We diligently put aside as much of our paychecks as we could, and cut down our budget significantly. However as the costs added up, employment hiccups and fees were increased, we realized we could not do it entirely on our own. There were humbling and encouraging gifts from family and friends that blessed us at just the right moments. We continue to look into more ways to raise funds, cut back, and plan ahead. 

Now that it is the end of November, it is time to submit our I-600a, which is an application with U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services for adoptive parents. The process is pretty straightforward; some paperwork, copies of records, and a check. However we have heard of some glitches in the processing, so we are hopeful for a quick and smooth approval.

This step is exciting because while it absolutely means more waiting, it also means we are in the range of possibility! While we do not expect a referral soon, we are now in what was given to us as the estimated time frame for receiving a referral. This time frame stretches on for many months, but it gives us hope and fills us with excitement.

Being in a new phase of waiting, we've started to allow ourselves to plan. The other day I saw these adorable painted wooden stacking animals at a toy sale and couldn't resist. It was the first tangible thing I've purchased for our child. It felt like a big deal. It led me to many other 'nesting' desires. Unfortunately there are so many unknowns that there isn't a whole lot of preparing to be done right now. We don't know the age of our child- will they need a crib or toddler bed? We don't know their gender or size, so collecting clothing is out. We don't know how much Mandarin they know, and therefore how much we should learn. With all the unknowns this sweet little block set felt like a pretty safe decision to make.

Even with the questions we have and wait ahead of us, we are feeling SO excited and thankful for where we are. Looking back on this last year, we have so much to be thankful for. We have been shown many times that this is in God's hands and we just need to trust and give thanks.

Sometimes it breaks my heart

*I first wrote this as a private blog, not planning to publish it. It'd be great to only have positive thoughts to share throughout this journey but I owe it to any readers and myself to be honest and open. I have found great comfort from other adoptive bloggers who have been raw and candid. This post is not meant to judge or offend, but to be real about things I wrestle with.*


My dreams aren't typically analysis worthy; they are usually slightly odd, humorous and incoherent blips strung together. This morning however I woke up trying to understand my dream:

I was sleeping (in my dream) and woke up. I was very pregnant. The room was dark and no one was around. I felt weird, unprepared and nervous. It felt like I was going to be going into labor, but I wasn't sure and wanted someone to tell me what to do. I went out into the kitchen and found Nate and my sister mixing crazy concoctions in the kitchen, then sampling them (ok, this part is not surprising). I told them I didn't know what to do. They didn't seem to notice I was there or pay any attention. I went back into my bedroom and texted my mom but she didn't answer. Then I googled "how do I know if I am going into labor" and fell back asleep. When I woke up, I wasn't pregnant.

I may be way off in my understanding of what the dream means- it probably just means that I ate too much pizza the night before or something unimportant. But this morning I found myself thinking about the dream more, specifically thinking about how I was feeling unprepared and alone in the dream.

I have been thinking a lot about the system of adoption, and not just the wonderful stories. Our agency sent us pictures of waiting list children this week. These are children who are identified as having developmental, physical, emotional issues, or a difficult family background therefore making it more difficult for them to placed. This photo listing was sent to many US agencies, which then forwarded it on to many adoptive families like us. They go a little bit into the child's story, about why they are available for adoption. For one young boy, his story began "Because of a difficult financial situation, Cody's birthmother is looking for a forever home for her sweet boy." It broke my heart. There are so many reasons that children become orphans, placed for adoption, fostered, etc. and none of the reasons are without loss and are for us to judge. There were children in the photo listing whose parents were in jail, were mentally unstable, were abusive... But for a financial situation to be the determining factor is heartbreaking. And maybe there is much more to this story that we don't know, but the reality is that for many birthparents this is the determining factor.

I couldn't help but think about the thousands of dollars adoptive parents are putting toward their future adoptions. I couldn't help but wonder what dollar amount this birthmother would have needed to stay with and support her son. Has an agency in Taiwan searched for options for this mother?  Have any agencies in the US tried to do the same?

I know this is not the warm and fuzzy side of adoption that we like to think about but we have to. We cannot be ok with some adoptive parents getting to parent a child simply because they have the money that the birthmother does not. That because of the financial stability we were born into, the education we received, the job opportunities we were given that we are more qualified to be this child's parent. We cannot be for adoption if we are not also for providing assistance for families to remain together. God does not call us to only care for the orphan, but also the widow. This verse has been going through my head for weeks:

[Isaiah 1:17- Learn to do right; seek justice. Encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.]

I thank God for organizations like Both Hands, that support both the orphan and the widow. I thank God that some agencies seek to partner with and support birthmothers, such as the nursery where our child will be. St. Lucy's Center's mission is to serve unwed mothers, helping them with education, job training and counseling. I also thank God that widespread corruption within international adoption is being addressed and regulations are being put in place in an effort to protect children.

So back to my dream. It led me to thinking about our future child's birthmother, a woman I think about often. Wondering where she is right now, what she is going through. If she is feeling those feelings I felt in my dream. Praying that she is surrounded by family and friends showing love and support, and hoping that she has access to what she needs in order to make the best choice she can for her and her child.

Adoption is a joy and blessing that comes out of a loss, and I think we can all reconcile this. There are children in need of a loving family and there are adoptive parents eager to provide that love. This is a beautiful thing. Adoption, in my opinion, is an amazing and necessary response to loss that already exists but it cannot be the first and only response. I hope that this journey we are on not only leads us to our child but also leads us to respond to these needs in other ways as well.

- Lindsey

Learning from the best

So currently we are sitting here in the 'wait and be patient' chapter of this journey. I keep reminding myself that this waiting period is so easy compared to the next waiting period- when we have a referral and are waiting for the approval to travel. I know when we find out the name and face of our child it will feel like everything is moving in slow motion and we won't be able to get to him or her soon enough.


As I wait I've had a lot of time to think and lately I continue to think about the amazing examples of mothers I have in my life. Because of my work, I am surrounded by and get to partner with mothers on a daily basis. I have the privilege of sharing in some of their parenting joys, being there through some of the struggles, and watching the love they have for their children. Of course I've also learned an extraordinary amount from my own mom too. I have gained so much from these moms; knowing them and how they parent gives me tremendous confidence for my future role.

I've learned from the mom who...
kept her child home because they needed some one-on-one time but also...
left her child at school on the first day because she had confidence in her child
lingered by the window to watch that her child found a friend
allowed her child to play outdoors independently
said "I'm sorry" to her child
drove all the way back to school to meet her child at the goodbye window
watched her child put on the same dance show over and over again
waited ten minutes because her child wanted to put their shoes on independently
carefully carried a mess of glue and paper and beads and paint out the door because it was a treasured artwork
took a car ride to that specific road so her child could ride the "fun hills"
spoke up when her child needed someone in their court
supported other moms when they needed someone in their court
stacked the deck to ensure her child's success when the situation warranted but also...
allowed her child to experience failures when the situation warranted
reminded her child, as often as possible, that she loved them

I'm so looking forward to joining this exemplary group of moms and continuing to learn alongside them, supporting one another.

Us in Twelve Pages

I am sitting here with our Home Study next to me. Done. Finished. Edited, revised and submitted. Notarized and ready for the nursery in Taiwan to see.

I thought we were at this point last year in June. The home study was done and ready to be finalized, but then things in our life changed. Here we are over a year later, plus a new home visit, updating paperwork, and additional fees... and it's complete! It reflects the biggest changes in our life such as Nate's new employment and our move, but it's filled with so much more information as well.

It was kind of nerve racking to read through the home study. It's twelve pages of compiled information to summarize our capabilities as parents. Twelve revealing pages, prying into every corner of our personal lives and making it public. It shares our childhood, background, family roles and dynamics. It discusses our educational backgrounds, careers and plan for child care. It discloses things every prospective parent should probably be required to expose; criminal record, background checks and references. It goes in depth into our finances, our assets and expenses and net worth. Then it exposes parts of our hearts; our motivation for becoming parents, attitudes toward adoption, health of our marriage and parenting readiness.

What was the most unexpected for me, in reading through those twelve pages of factual information, was that the heart of our small family came through loud and clear. There are tidbits throughout that capture who I believe we are as a family. Our marriage is described as being strong, loving, and founded on faith. It says that we collaborate and support one another. That we have a wonderful friendship and truly enjoy spending time together. It talks about how we will provide an environment that is nurturing and will allow the child to thrive and grow.

Sure there are areas that we could look a whole lot more put together on a paper document. Our interests and hobbies could be a little more exciting, and our finances could use a little work. But what I am truly thankful for is that our social worker was able to find simple ways to capture the essence of what is most important to us in our home study- establishing the love and support we have to offer to any child that enters our home.

I love and am grateful for what we have, and feel ready for our family to grow.

Feeling ready!

Happy Mother's Day!

I know that there are many different types of moms and today I think about all of the motherly examples I have in my life that continue to teach me so much, beginning of course with my own mom. I see them advocate for their children, protect and nurture them, encourage and support each other, always putting their children's needs above their own. I'm sure I could never do it on my own and so it's reassuring to look at this amazing team of moms that I will be joining. Certainly you can never be fully prepared for the experience of being a mom but today I am feeling more ready than ever!

Still aware and anticipating the unknown journey ahead of us, Nate and I find ourselves talking more and more about when our little one is home. While we don't yet have a referral (a potential match from the agency and nursery) we feel like it's for the first time within reach. Anytime after November we could get the information about our baby! Once receiving the referral, the court process in Taiwan could take anywhere from 4 to 8 months. After that is finished, we make plans to travel.

The next step for us is updating our home study so that it can again be finalized and a dossier prepared to be sent to Taiwan. The paperwork is actually very comforting because it gives us a small sense of control in the situation! It's amazing how quickly we can make doctor appointments, get re-fingerprinted and fill out paperwork when it's for the adoption! We are hoping to have the home study completed by the end of June.

It's beginning to feel very real. Now that some of the challenges of this past year are behind us we are able to see how we are being prepared to be parents. I'm sure there are more challenges ahead, but to be able to look back and see how we have been strengthened in the past helps us to have trust in the future. As much as I would love to fast forward through the next several months, they will be formative and necessary in the journey. So for now we will continue to enjoy this time of anticipation, using it to gather as much wisdom and experience as much growth as we can! And maybe this time next year we will be celebrating Mother's Day in a whole new way :-)

Until next time,

Lindsey + Nate

The Details

We are certainly celebrating over here! It's hard to believe that a little over a week ago we were still in a long stretch of waiting and wondering about the future. Now, we are filled with thanks for the opportunity Nate has been given and the significant ways our adoption moves ahead.

I tend to think of myself as a realist (borderline pessimist?). That doesn't mean that I don't allow myself to dream, to be content in the moment, or have faith in the unknown. I just believe that anything worth pursuing passionately comes with struggles. Going into our marriage, I was very aware of every potential struggle that could come our way. Being five years in, I've been rarely discouraged and so blessed by how natural of a team we are together. When challenges (obviously) come up, we get a problem-solving attitude rather than a defeatist one. As with anything wonderful in life, I anticipated the adoption journey would be similar. The specific challenges have been surprising (the time frame changing significantly, having to start over a few months in, Nate losing his job) and my increasing desire to become a parent has surprised me. But the fact that the road has not been entirely smooth is not a surprise.

So while the adoption seemed to stand still but the months rolled by so quickly, we still had faith. We knew God would provide, everything would work out eventually. We completely acknowledged there was a bigger picture and this was a temporary place. We had trust and faith in the bigger picture. But what I don't think we truly remembered is that God is in control of even the littlest details. Every part of this waiting period has been in His hands. There was work being done even when everything seemed so quiet. The timing of Nate's job offer was so perfect we couldn't believe it. We were in the middle of what was our first truly worrisome week financially when Nate prayed for a company he had interviewed with to keep him in mind as a candidate. Five minutes later he got a text letting him know he was being offered the job.

Trusting that everything will be fine is one thing, but having faith that everything IS fine is entirely different. It's not as though we are abandoned and then retrieved. There is so much going on behind the scenes that we could never understand. So much growth, so much preparation. Each day is filled with the moments that are supposed to be.

After notifying our placing and home study agencies, they were eager to get us right back into the process. Changes will be made to our home study, which means re-doing FBI checks, financial evaluations, medical physicals, insurance info and interviews. I couldn't be more excited to be doing paperwork again! As soon as we have our home study updated, we will send it to USCIS to be approved to adopt. Then, it will be sent to Taiwan and once the nursery in Taiwan knows we exist as adoptive parents the process to find a match can begin.

Things are moving again, which feels really good. But I hope whether the days feel like they are flying by or hardly moving, I remember that the goal is not just to get to a destination. The point is to appreciate the intricately planned details that are just what we need to experience.

In a Years Time

It has already been a year since we jumped into the adoption process! The conversation Nate and I had as we were in the car on one of our many drives to and from Michigan is very vivid in my memory. I am not a very patient person at all... once I get an idea in my head I do everything I can to bring it to fruition. This stubbornness has led me to many great life experiences that a more cautious me may not have had, but I'm also thankful that Nate balances my determination with thoughtfulness. Nate had known since our dating years that adoption was a hope of mine, but I knew that it was not a decision that I could rush or persuade him into. Surprisingly, I was able to tuck it away as a future dream and be patient. That made me all the more excited and confident when Nate shared, on that long drive through the nothingness of Indiana, that he thought the time was right for us to begin the process.

The greatest lesson I have learned/am continuing to learn is balance. From the beginning we had to find a balance between our expectations and reality. As we began to research, we quickly realized our expectations for the timeline, our eligibility, our options and the expenses were very different from what we imagined.

I also learned about the delicate balance surrounding the topic of adoption. It's such a complex topic with a complexity of relationships amongst several people. Some adoption stories are beautiful and heartwarming and others are filled with pain and confusion. It's not an area one can barge into with arrogance, but must be delicately approached with reverence and a lot of listening. I had to find a balance between recognizing the wounds surrounding adoption, but moving forward with a hope for reconciliation and healing.

I've also had to attempt to find a balance within this odd state of feeling like an expecting mother and feeling so far from motherhood. I had to hold back from buying a cute outfit in every size and both genders, but settle on bulking up my collection of children's books. Nate and I have found balance in making sure we aren't constantly talking about when the baby comes, but from time to time indulge in playing the parenting game (you know... "what would you do if our kid was acting like that?"). For the time being I'm content in socking away notes and knowledge I gain to use for someday. However, I can't deny the protective maternal feelings that continue to grow about our future child. Luckily Wesley the dog has no problem temporarily filling in as role of the baby.

Finally, I've had to balance patience with eagerness. My mind wavers between 'someday' and 'any day'. I feel as though I've found a healthy balance... I am living and enjoying each day and the special moments that make up the day. Nate and I are conscience to give thanks for all that we have and truly appreciate the people who are in our lives. But I do allow myself to get butterflies in my stomach thinking about the day we get a phone call with a match... in my mind playing the video of getting to meet our child for the first time... all of the firsts we will get to experience as a family.

Here's to a new year, filled with the possibility of both celebrations and struggles, and here's to taking it all in stride and being content along the way!