Every year I find myself (and every person around me) saying, "I can't believe it's the holidays already!". November and December seem to be the culmination of an active, busy, tireless year. I've always treated the holidays like the final exams to a semester; sleep, sanity and friendliness are all at risk in order to complete the tasks at hand. If I can pass the holiday tests (which include at the least a great Thanksgiving dish to share, the perfect outfit for holiday parties and thoughtfully clever gifts for everyone) then I feel I've earned a sigh of relief heading into the New Year.
This year has felt very different. The holidays didn't sneak up on me, it seems like this year has moved in slow motion. Finally, it is the holidays! I'm actually excited and enjoying it, rather than trying to race through it to come out on the other side. It's certainly not because I intentionally have chosen to slow down and find peace during this season, but rather the circumstances that have come up throughout this slow-moving year have led to a different type of Christmas season for me, for which I am very thankful.
Considering our financial situation, we decided everyone would understand if we decided to do homemade gifts this year. At the least we thought we could all laugh about our attempted handiwork. Aside from requiring us to be thrifty and creative, Nate and I have also spent a lot of time working together on these which has been so great. (Getting to skip the mall is just an added bonus too!) Another reason this year feels different is because we decided we needed to stop spending our time focusing on what we wish we had and start being more generous and intentional with our time. We have felt free to spent time with family and friends and serve others. Lastly, there is a special joy and excitement this season as we think about the possibility of spending it with our little one next year. Creating traditions, giving thanks, experiencing the magic and mystery of the season... we can't wait to do all of this with our baby! While we are very realistic that there's a good chance we will not yet have travelled to Taiwan around this time next year, knowing there is a possibility brings immense hope and joy to us.
It is such a bizarre thought that our little one could be a tiny infant right now, that his or her birthmother could be struggling with the hardest decision of her life right now. We pray that the peace we are experiencing during this season will in some way reach these strangers. That both will feel safe, supported and loved.
Wishing you moments of calm and peace during this season!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Home Day
On this date, twenty-one years ago, I met my little sister. She was nearly 5 months old and was the cutest baby I had ever seen.
Sure, her hair was kind of crazy and at first I wasn't sure if she was a boy or girl, but she was my little sister. I had a rotten redheaded older brother who I wanted to be just like, and now I had a sweet little sister who I could boss around and teach new things to.
From the time my parents told us we were going to be having a sibling, to the moment I met her, to twenty-one years later I have experienced the pride, protection and love that a big sister feels.
Not only is Chelsea's "Gotcha Day" important because it was the day our family became complete, but also because years later it has significantly influenced Nate and my decision to begin our family through adoption. Knowing our biological differences has made not one negative impact on our sisterly bond gives me complete confidence that families can be formed in many different ways.
I know that the adoption journey (beyond just the process of adoption) can sometimes be a difficult one, with pains and challenges. But the end hope is to bring a family together, each who needed one another. Our family absolutely needed Chel, and I can't imagine it without her.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Practicing Patience
Wow! It has been four months since we have posted anything. It's not that life has been too busy, or that we haven't thought about it. There were many times that I wanted to write, but when I thought through what I would share, I had a hard time being positive. For some reason it's really hard to admit when things just aren't going so well. I kept waiting, thinking that I would post once Situation A got better, or once there was a resolution to Situation B, etc. It's so much easier to share publicly when you have a success to celebrate. I didn't want to share all that was going on with us because I didn't want to seem like I was attempting to rally a pity party. Also it was because I was too stuck in our current circumstances to truly recognize and give thanks for the many many consistent blessings we have... I was not proud to be in that place.
So finally, I am here to write an update on what is going on with the adoption and beyond. Even though nothing ground breaking is happening with the adoption, every life situation that comes at us is in one way or another relative to our adoption.
Back in June, Nate lost his job. It was very unexpected and knocked our feet from underneath us. The timing of it, following our emotional adoptive country change, financial struggles, and other difficult life decisions, seemed almost too ironic to be real. Not only feeling confused and upset, we were worried about the adoption. Our budget has been as narrow as we could manage since January, diligently putting the necessary funds toward the adoption. Not only that, but having a strong health insurance plan and stable finances is important to even be approved for a home study.
Nate, being much stronger and hopeful than I, took a risk and began to work for a small family owned company completely unrelated to his video production work. Due to circumstances beyond his control, after just a few weeks, he was again without a job. In the meantime, we have kept in touch with our social worker and our placing agency and have been assured that this will not affect our adoption. In fact, our placing agency was planning to wait to submit our home study 5 months after it was finalized, in an effort to avoid having it expire before a referal. Once again we were affirmed that Taiwan is the right program for us. Very few programs allow you to have significant changes in your home study, even to the point of having to wait to finalize it, but still allow you to be moving on the waiting list.
Recently I received a call from our placing agency sharing that the nursery they partner with in Taiwan continues to successfully place children in need of a family with them. Just this last month they had 6 accepted referrals; children that will now be welcomed into their families! We continue to remain on the waiting list and are around 14th. This means the original estimate of about 1.5 years is still accurate! While we would be thrilled if that time frame shortened, we have found a place of peace and patience with the process and couldn't be happier to be on a waiting list.
As far as Nate's job and the many other unknowns in our life right now, we have also been practicing patience. We are learning that truly practicing patience requires us to also practice thanksgiving- to recognize our blessings... and there are so so many.
Thanks for following us and taking the time to read! Hopefully the next post will come much sooner than this one did.
Lindsey + Nate
So finally, I am here to write an update on what is going on with the adoption and beyond. Even though nothing ground breaking is happening with the adoption, every life situation that comes at us is in one way or another relative to our adoption.
Back in June, Nate lost his job. It was very unexpected and knocked our feet from underneath us. The timing of it, following our emotional adoptive country change, financial struggles, and other difficult life decisions, seemed almost too ironic to be real. Not only feeling confused and upset, we were worried about the adoption. Our budget has been as narrow as we could manage since January, diligently putting the necessary funds toward the adoption. Not only that, but having a strong health insurance plan and stable finances is important to even be approved for a home study.
Nate, being much stronger and hopeful than I, took a risk and began to work for a small family owned company completely unrelated to his video production work. Due to circumstances beyond his control, after just a few weeks, he was again without a job. In the meantime, we have kept in touch with our social worker and our placing agency and have been assured that this will not affect our adoption. In fact, our placing agency was planning to wait to submit our home study 5 months after it was finalized, in an effort to avoid having it expire before a referal. Once again we were affirmed that Taiwan is the right program for us. Very few programs allow you to have significant changes in your home study, even to the point of having to wait to finalize it, but still allow you to be moving on the waiting list.
Recently I received a call from our placing agency sharing that the nursery they partner with in Taiwan continues to successfully place children in need of a family with them. Just this last month they had 6 accepted referrals; children that will now be welcomed into their families! We continue to remain on the waiting list and are around 14th. This means the original estimate of about 1.5 years is still accurate! While we would be thrilled if that time frame shortened, we have found a place of peace and patience with the process and couldn't be happier to be on a waiting list.
As far as Nate's job and the many other unknowns in our life right now, we have also been practicing patience. We are learning that truly practicing patience requires us to also practice thanksgiving- to recognize our blessings... and there are so so many.
Thanks for following us and taking the time to read! Hopefully the next post will come much sooner than this one did.
Lindsey + Nate
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Taiwan!
These last few weeks have certainly been trying. Throughout this journey thus far, I have realized how much I cling to control. When we first decided we were adopting internationally, my mom told me that adoption will test ones need for control and to plan to have plans changed. Having adopted my sister when I was six, my parents have been through this process. At the time I added her words to my bag of motherly advice I've received, but over the last few weeks it has rung especially true.
It almost feels as though our steadfastness was being tested. As if each layer of control was peeled away until all that was left was faith. The outer layer was our perceived time frame; that was peeled away as we found out the process would extend years beyond what we were told. The next layer was finances; we had to put our trust in an agency to decide the fate of our significant program fee. Next was our image of our family; we had begun to really love the idea of our family being partially Colombian and embracing our child's culture. Finally we came to our decision to adopt; as hard as it was we had to acknowledge that our intended outcome may not be God's plan. At the core of all of it, we were able to see that our lives are about so much more than just us and our journey. Maybe it took us really stepping away from ourselves for this journey to be able to continue. Maybe we needed to learn that time, finances and control are not so important. Or maybe this speed bump was meant to draw us even closer together and lean on one another more. Either way, we know it's not the last and we know that patience and faith will get us through it all.
So over the last couple of weeks we have continued to look into all of our options, even though it seemed like so many doors had closed. We researched, called agencies, had conversations. Yesterday, when we called our current agency to check on the status of the board approving our refund, they told us some unexpected news; they were able to get us into their Taiwan young toddler program. Not only is it great that all of our funds will transfer and we will be working with the same agency, but we are really excited about the Taiwan program! Here are the details:
The nursery our agency works with is St. Lucy Center in Tainan, and they have a long standing relationship with our agency. The center was created to serve the social needs of unwed mothers because of the society's prejudice toward these women. The center currently works with education and support for young women, job training and counseling, emergency shelter services, and adoptions. 85-90% of the adoptable children are adopted domestic, the rest is international adoptions. We will be able to tour the facility, talk with our child's caregivers, and possibly meet the birth mother. In Taiwan the process is different from other countries. You first complete your home study and then you are on the waiting list. The agency and nursery works together to match the child with the best family for him or her. Once a family gets a referral (we were told this would be about 1.5-2 years), they begin their dossier preparation. After this, the court process in Taiwan begins. This can take about 4-8 months. During this time, we are able to send our child care packages, skype, and receive updated information. Once we have final decree, we will travel to Taiwan and stay in the country for about a week. Then, the 16+ hour plane ride home!
As always, we will share as more unfolds. While we now very much understand all of the uncertainties that go along with this, but we are also allowing ourselves to get really excited!
Because Taiwan is a small country that doesn't do many adoptions each year, we would love to connect with anyone who has stories to share! If you know of someone who has adopted from Taiwan, was born there or has visited, we would love to hear about it.
Peace,
Lindsey
It almost feels as though our steadfastness was being tested. As if each layer of control was peeled away until all that was left was faith. The outer layer was our perceived time frame; that was peeled away as we found out the process would extend years beyond what we were told. The next layer was finances; we had to put our trust in an agency to decide the fate of our significant program fee. Next was our image of our family; we had begun to really love the idea of our family being partially Colombian and embracing our child's culture. Finally we came to our decision to adopt; as hard as it was we had to acknowledge that our intended outcome may not be God's plan. At the core of all of it, we were able to see that our lives are about so much more than just us and our journey. Maybe it took us really stepping away from ourselves for this journey to be able to continue. Maybe we needed to learn that time, finances and control are not so important. Or maybe this speed bump was meant to draw us even closer together and lean on one another more. Either way, we know it's not the last and we know that patience and faith will get us through it all.
So over the last couple of weeks we have continued to look into all of our options, even though it seemed like so many doors had closed. We researched, called agencies, had conversations. Yesterday, when we called our current agency to check on the status of the board approving our refund, they told us some unexpected news; they were able to get us into their Taiwan young toddler program. Not only is it great that all of our funds will transfer and we will be working with the same agency, but we are really excited about the Taiwan program! Here are the details:
The nursery our agency works with is St. Lucy Center in Tainan, and they have a long standing relationship with our agency. The center was created to serve the social needs of unwed mothers because of the society's prejudice toward these women. The center currently works with education and support for young women, job training and counseling, emergency shelter services, and adoptions. 85-90% of the adoptable children are adopted domestic, the rest is international adoptions. We will be able to tour the facility, talk with our child's caregivers, and possibly meet the birth mother. In Taiwan the process is different from other countries. You first complete your home study and then you are on the waiting list. The agency and nursery works together to match the child with the best family for him or her. Once a family gets a referral (we were told this would be about 1.5-2 years), they begin their dossier preparation. After this, the court process in Taiwan begins. This can take about 4-8 months. During this time, we are able to send our child care packages, skype, and receive updated information. Once we have final decree, we will travel to Taiwan and stay in the country for about a week. Then, the 16+ hour plane ride home!
As always, we will share as more unfolds. While we now very much understand all of the uncertainties that go along with this, but we are also allowing ourselves to get really excited!
Because Taiwan is a small country that doesn't do many adoptions each year, we would love to connect with anyone who has stories to share! If you know of someone who has adopted from Taiwan, was born there or has visited, we would love to hear about it.
Peace,
Lindsey
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Detour
First of all, apologies for the lack of update in a while! During the month of March there was no update because we were running around checking off our boxes left and right. Things were actually going pretty well with the whole process and we started to get caught up in thinking that the harder we tried, the closer we would be. We completed our part of the home study, each doing interviews and then having our home evaluated. We did our required hours of training, which was valuable beyond expectations. Our final visit with our psychologist was complete. The FBI fingerprints that usually take 3 months to arrive came after just 3 weeks. We created a photo book to send to our future child (who most likely isn't even born yet). We had friends and family support us significantly through kind words, prayers, donations and recommendation letters. Basically, we were feeling pretty good.
And then, last week, we received an update about the adoption process in Colombia. To preface the information that we received, we weren't naive that this whole journey would be quick or easy. Maybe we were a little naive in thinking that if we worked tirelessly, put in as much effort as possible, and tried to make ourselves the best future parents a kid could want then we would be ahead. But adoption doesn't work that way, and sometimes as much heart and emotion as you put into it, you are still just a number on a list. The news we received from our agency was that Colombia is in the process of going through their accreditation and therefore they are reshaping their country's adoption process. What this translates to for us is basically longer (and growing still) wait times as well as increased difficulty in being accepted by the ICBF.
The letter hit us hard. It made us face our unspoken hopes and brought to the surface the emotional pain we were already experiencing from an extended wait period. In our minds we had just accepted the fact that it could be as long as 4 years, even though our hearts still ached from this thought. But to extend that to possibly 6 years, possibly more... we couldn't do it. Add to that the fact that families were being scrutinized closer than ever by the ICBF and that we were still months away from submitting our application to Colombia.
The difficult thing about adoption is it's so front loaded. I don't mean just the paperwork and finances, because those things certainly put a stress on you from the get go, but emotionally as well. When we decided to jump into this, we had to jump feet first and blindfolded. We had to prove to everyone, our doctors, the psychologist, the Colombian officials, social workers and the FBI that we were qualified adoptive parents. In the process we opened up our hearts and allowed ourselves to be completely vulnerable. We were passionate, excited, somewhat educated... ready. Any parent out there can relate to this feeling of being so overwhelmed with love and joy for an expected child but with a complete loss of control.
Nate and I came to a point where we had to be completely honest about how sustainable this emotion was for us. We realized, as much as we loved the Colombia program, the country, the children, the culture, we couldn't do it. That was especially hard for me to admit. Often having the unspoken mentality that if you work hard enough anything is possible, I have been reminded this week that we have faith in a God that has complete and total control.
We currently don't have an exact plan for moving forward. International adoption is still where our hearts are and we are certainly not ready to give up on that. Being solution oriented, I have had to wisely listen to the many caring friends and family around us telling us to pause and be still. It's an unusual grief, one that we had never anticipated feeling, but we need to allow ourselves to heal from this loss. I wish I could say that we can clearly see God's plan through all of this and that gives us comfort, but that wouldn't be true. It hurts, and for now I think it's ok that we are hurting and confused.
One thing that's been very clear in the last week is what supportive and wonderful friends and family we have. I'm so thankful for the thoughts, prayers, hugs, comfort coffee, phone calls, inquiries, chocolate... we have amazing people in our lives.
In the next couple of weeks we plan to continue having conversations with our placing agency, trying to figure out if there is a country program out there meant for us and where to go next. We will keep everyone in the loop as things transpire, but never feel like you're invading by asking questions.
Until next time,
Lindsey
And then, last week, we received an update about the adoption process in Colombia. To preface the information that we received, we weren't naive that this whole journey would be quick or easy. Maybe we were a little naive in thinking that if we worked tirelessly, put in as much effort as possible, and tried to make ourselves the best future parents a kid could want then we would be ahead. But adoption doesn't work that way, and sometimes as much heart and emotion as you put into it, you are still just a number on a list. The news we received from our agency was that Colombia is in the process of going through their accreditation and therefore they are reshaping their country's adoption process. What this translates to for us is basically longer (and growing still) wait times as well as increased difficulty in being accepted by the ICBF.
The letter hit us hard. It made us face our unspoken hopes and brought to the surface the emotional pain we were already experiencing from an extended wait period. In our minds we had just accepted the fact that it could be as long as 4 years, even though our hearts still ached from this thought. But to extend that to possibly 6 years, possibly more... we couldn't do it. Add to that the fact that families were being scrutinized closer than ever by the ICBF and that we were still months away from submitting our application to Colombia.
The difficult thing about adoption is it's so front loaded. I don't mean just the paperwork and finances, because those things certainly put a stress on you from the get go, but emotionally as well. When we decided to jump into this, we had to jump feet first and blindfolded. We had to prove to everyone, our doctors, the psychologist, the Colombian officials, social workers and the FBI that we were qualified adoptive parents. In the process we opened up our hearts and allowed ourselves to be completely vulnerable. We were passionate, excited, somewhat educated... ready. Any parent out there can relate to this feeling of being so overwhelmed with love and joy for an expected child but with a complete loss of control.
Nate and I came to a point where we had to be completely honest about how sustainable this emotion was for us. We realized, as much as we loved the Colombia program, the country, the children, the culture, we couldn't do it. That was especially hard for me to admit. Often having the unspoken mentality that if you work hard enough anything is possible, I have been reminded this week that we have faith in a God that has complete and total control.
We currently don't have an exact plan for moving forward. International adoption is still where our hearts are and we are certainly not ready to give up on that. Being solution oriented, I have had to wisely listen to the many caring friends and family around us telling us to pause and be still. It's an unusual grief, one that we had never anticipated feeling, but we need to allow ourselves to heal from this loss. I wish I could say that we can clearly see God's plan through all of this and that gives us comfort, but that wouldn't be true. It hurts, and for now I think it's ok that we are hurting and confused.
One thing that's been very clear in the last week is what supportive and wonderful friends and family we have. I'm so thankful for the thoughts, prayers, hugs, comfort coffee, phone calls, inquiries, chocolate... we have amazing people in our lives.
In the next couple of weeks we plan to continue having conversations with our placing agency, trying to figure out if there is a country program out there meant for us and where to go next. We will keep everyone in the loop as things transpire, but never feel like you're invading by asking questions.
Until next time,
Lindsey
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Paperwork, pin pricks and psychologists
A new entry, but not a whole lot of new information at this time! The past few weeks have been a blur of making phone calls, researching and answering tough questions. Here's an update about where we are at:
We are currently working with two agencies; our home study agency is out of Nashville, and our placement agency is in California. The first big step in adoption is the home study. We have been compiling paperwork including information about insurance, health history, references, finances, autobiographies, perspectives on parenting and much more. We will be submitting this large packet shortly, which will be followed by several interviews with our social worker. Once we get approved for the home study, we will begin working more with our other agency to prepare our dossier for Colombia.
We have quickly learned that Colombia is very thorough in their adoptions! Some of the many things we will be doing in preparation includes many medical tests done, several fingerprints (state and FBI) and a lengthy (our initial visit will be 900 questions!) evaluation by a psychologist... and since all of that expires after 6 months, we get to do it all again before we travel.
As of now, it is looking like the time frame before we travel could be as long as 4 years. This week has been a challenging one for me personally as I wrap my head around waiting four years to become a mom. We keep trying to remind ourselves that once we meet our child, it will all make sense. The amount of work and wait will be entirely worth it because it will have brought us to that particular child at that moment.
With patience,
Lindsey
We are currently working with two agencies; our home study agency is out of Nashville, and our placement agency is in California. The first big step in adoption is the home study. We have been compiling paperwork including information about insurance, health history, references, finances, autobiographies, perspectives on parenting and much more. We will be submitting this large packet shortly, which will be followed by several interviews with our social worker. Once we get approved for the home study, we will begin working more with our other agency to prepare our dossier for Colombia.
We have quickly learned that Colombia is very thorough in their adoptions! Some of the many things we will be doing in preparation includes many medical tests done, several fingerprints (state and FBI) and a lengthy (our initial visit will be 900 questions!) evaluation by a psychologist... and since all of that expires after 6 months, we get to do it all again before we travel.
As of now, it is looking like the time frame before we travel could be as long as 4 years. This week has been a challenging one for me personally as I wrap my head around waiting four years to become a mom. We keep trying to remind ourselves that once we meet our child, it will all make sense. The amount of work and wait will be entirely worth it because it will have brought us to that particular child at that moment.
With patience,
Lindsey
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Here we go!
Welcome and thanks for taking the time to visit our blog. We're new to the blog-world, so we may stumble our way through this a bit. Check out our 'about' page to learn a little bit about us.
We've created this blog to have a place to update information and share stories throughout the adoption process. That's right, we're adopting! Having grown up with a sister who is adopted, it has always been a dream of mine to adopt. As Nate and I became involved in adoption-supportive communities, we decided it was something we would do...someday. After being married for four years and feeling fairly confident in our ability to parent, the dream of adoption began to grow stronger in our hearts until we decided to take a leap. We researched, read books, talked to adoptive families, and looked into different agencies. We now know that was just the very beginning!
Where we are at right now is in the middle of what I guess they call the 'paperwork pregnancy' (minus the pickles and ice cream cravings). We are writing our entire life stories, laying out every aspect of our finances, being checked for mental and physical wellness, FBI fingerprinted, attending parenting classes and being asked some very tough questions. But really, it shouldn't be any other way... parenting is not an easy lifestyle change and even more complicated when building a family through international adoption. Our hope is that in a few years (or four, or five, or six...) from now we will be welcoming home our child from Colombia, God willing.
As we progress in this potentially very long process, we will keep everyone updated through this blog. Thanks for reading the first page to our story, we're hoping it has a wonderful ending.
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