Today is our baby boy's first birthday! It's crazy to think that three months ago we didn't know him yet, and now we are wishing him a happy first birthday, wanting so badly to be spending it together.
It's completely selfish, but I am a little heartbroken today. When we started the process, we knew we wouldn't be with our child until after their first, maybe even second birthday. So the fact that we have pictures of him, are getting updates, and are able to celebrate him from miles away on this day is an unexpected joy and a blessing. But the selfish part of me wants to have that moment with him. It's not even that I have dreams of a big birthday party with lots of people and him eating cake. Really what I would want is to spend a simple, quiet day together exploring and playing. Just being able to say that we spent this special day together.
The logical side of it is that this is a birthday that he won't comprehend, and won't remember. If there's ever a birthday to not be able to spend together, it's this one. We will be together every birthday he has from now on, and we will make great memories on those days. There will also be many other days to be able to celebrate together. But my logical side hasn't been the loudest voice always, especially while I stare at those big eyes and pudgy little fingers!
We don't know what his caregivers in Taiwan are doing with him today, or how they acknowledge birthdays. What we do know is how much they love him and are caring for him. We can tell by the pictures of them playing together and the smiles, by the colorful nursery filled with toys, and the care they've taken in matching him with us. On this day he's happy, healthy and loved. And when it comes down to it, we couldn't ask for more.
Happy birthday sweet boy, we can't wait to spend all the rest of your birthdays with you!
