I am sitting here with our Home Study next to me. Done. Finished. Edited, revised and submitted. Notarized and ready for the nursery in Taiwan to see.
I thought we were at this point last year in June. The home study was done and ready to be finalized, but then things in our life changed. Here we are over a year later, plus a new home visit, updating paperwork, and additional fees... and it's complete! It reflects the biggest changes in our life such as Nate's new employment and our move, but it's filled with so much more information as well.
It was kind of nerve racking to read through the home study. It's twelve pages of compiled information to summarize our capabilities as parents. Twelve revealing pages, prying into every corner of our personal lives and making it public. It shares our childhood, background, family roles and dynamics. It discusses our educational backgrounds, careers and plan for child care. It discloses things every prospective parent should probably be required to expose; criminal record, background checks and references. It goes in depth into our finances, our assets and expenses and net worth. Then it exposes parts of our hearts; our motivation for becoming parents, attitudes toward adoption, health of our marriage and parenting readiness.
What was the most unexpected for me, in reading through those twelve pages of factual information, was that the heart of our small family came through loud and clear. There are tidbits throughout that capture who I believe we are as a family. Our marriage is described as being strong, loving, and founded on faith. It says that we collaborate and support one another. That we have a wonderful friendship and truly enjoy spending time together. It talks about how we will provide an environment that is nurturing and will allow the child to thrive and grow.
Sure there are areas that we could look a whole lot more put together on a paper document. Our interests and hobbies could be a little more exciting, and our finances could use a little work. But what I am truly thankful for is that our social worker was able to find simple ways to capture the essence of what is most important to us in our home study- establishing the love and support we have to offer to any child that enters our home.
I love and am grateful for what we have, and feel ready for our family to grow.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Feeling ready!
Happy Mother's Day!
I know that there are many different types of moms and today I think about all of the motherly examples I have in my life that continue to teach me so much, beginning of course with my own mom. I see them advocate for their children, protect and nurture them, encourage and support each other, always putting their children's needs above their own. I'm sure I could never do it on my own and so it's reassuring to look at this amazing team of moms that I will be joining. Certainly you can never be fully prepared for the experience of being a mom but today I am feeling more ready than ever!
Still aware and anticipating the unknown journey ahead of us, Nate and I find ourselves talking more and more about when our little one is home. While we don't yet have a referral (a potential match from the agency and nursery) we feel like it's for the first time within reach. Anytime after November we could get the information about our baby! Once receiving the referral, the court process in Taiwan could take anywhere from 4 to 8 months. After that is finished, we make plans to travel.
The next step for us is updating our home study so that it can again be finalized and a dossier prepared to be sent to Taiwan. The paperwork is actually very comforting because it gives us a small sense of control in the situation! It's amazing how quickly we can make doctor appointments, get re-fingerprinted and fill out paperwork when it's for the adoption! We are hoping to have the home study completed by the end of June.
It's beginning to feel very real. Now that some of the challenges of this past year are behind us we are able to see how we are being prepared to be parents. I'm sure there are more challenges ahead, but to be able to look back and see how we have been strengthened in the past helps us to have trust in the future. As much as I would love to fast forward through the next several months, they will be formative and necessary in the journey. So for now we will continue to enjoy this time of anticipation, using it to gather as much wisdom and experience as much growth as we can! And maybe this time next year we will be celebrating Mother's Day in a whole new way :-)
Until next time,
Lindsey + Nate
I know that there are many different types of moms and today I think about all of the motherly examples I have in my life that continue to teach me so much, beginning of course with my own mom. I see them advocate for their children, protect and nurture them, encourage and support each other, always putting their children's needs above their own. I'm sure I could never do it on my own and so it's reassuring to look at this amazing team of moms that I will be joining. Certainly you can never be fully prepared for the experience of being a mom but today I am feeling more ready than ever!
Still aware and anticipating the unknown journey ahead of us, Nate and I find ourselves talking more and more about when our little one is home. While we don't yet have a referral (a potential match from the agency and nursery) we feel like it's for the first time within reach. Anytime after November we could get the information about our baby! Once receiving the referral, the court process in Taiwan could take anywhere from 4 to 8 months. After that is finished, we make plans to travel.
The next step for us is updating our home study so that it can again be finalized and a dossier prepared to be sent to Taiwan. The paperwork is actually very comforting because it gives us a small sense of control in the situation! It's amazing how quickly we can make doctor appointments, get re-fingerprinted and fill out paperwork when it's for the adoption! We are hoping to have the home study completed by the end of June.
It's beginning to feel very real. Now that some of the challenges of this past year are behind us we are able to see how we are being prepared to be parents. I'm sure there are more challenges ahead, but to be able to look back and see how we have been strengthened in the past helps us to have trust in the future. As much as I would love to fast forward through the next several months, they will be formative and necessary in the journey. So for now we will continue to enjoy this time of anticipation, using it to gather as much wisdom and experience as much growth as we can! And maybe this time next year we will be celebrating Mother's Day in a whole new way :-)
Until next time,
Lindsey + Nate
Saturday, February 22, 2014
The Details
We are certainly celebrating over here! It's hard to believe that a little over a week ago we were still in a long stretch of waiting and wondering about the future. Now, we are filled with thanks for the opportunity Nate has been given and the significant ways our adoption moves ahead.
I tend to think of myself as a realist (borderline pessimist?). That doesn't mean that I don't allow myself to dream, to be content in the moment, or have faith in the unknown. I just believe that anything worth pursuing passionately comes with struggles. Going into our marriage, I was very aware of every potential struggle that could come our way. Being five years in, I've been rarely discouraged and so blessed by how natural of a team we are together. When challenges (obviously) come up, we get a problem-solving attitude rather than a defeatist one. As with anything wonderful in life, I anticipated the adoption journey would be similar. The specific challenges have been surprising (the time frame changing significantly, having to start over a few months in, Nate losing his job) and my increasing desire to become a parent has surprised me. But the fact that the road has not been entirely smooth is not a surprise.
So while the adoption seemed to stand still but the months rolled by so quickly, we still had faith. We knew God would provide, everything would work out eventually. We completely acknowledged there was a bigger picture and this was a temporary place. We had trust and faith in the bigger picture. But what I don't think we truly remembered is that God is in control of even the littlest details. Every part of this waiting period has been in His hands. There was work being done even when everything seemed so quiet. The timing of Nate's job offer was so perfect we couldn't believe it. We were in the middle of what was our first truly worrisome week financially when Nate prayed for a company he had interviewed with to keep him in mind as a candidate. Five minutes later he got a text letting him know he was being offered the job.
Trusting that everything will be fine is one thing, but having faith that everything IS fine is entirely different. It's not as though we are abandoned and then retrieved. There is so much going on behind the scenes that we could never understand. So much growth, so much preparation. Each day is filled with the moments that are supposed to be.
After notifying our placing and home study agencies, they were eager to get us right back into the process. Changes will be made to our home study, which means re-doing FBI checks, financial evaluations, medical physicals, insurance info and interviews. I couldn't be more excited to be doing paperwork again! As soon as we have our home study updated, we will send it to USCIS to be approved to adopt. Then, it will be sent to Taiwan and once the nursery in Taiwan knows we exist as adoptive parents the process to find a match can begin.
Things are moving again, which feels really good. But I hope whether the days feel like they are flying by or hardly moving, I remember that the goal is not just to get to a destination. The point is to appreciate the intricately planned details that are just what we need to experience.
I tend to think of myself as a realist (borderline pessimist?). That doesn't mean that I don't allow myself to dream, to be content in the moment, or have faith in the unknown. I just believe that anything worth pursuing passionately comes with struggles. Going into our marriage, I was very aware of every potential struggle that could come our way. Being five years in, I've been rarely discouraged and so blessed by how natural of a team we are together. When challenges (obviously) come up, we get a problem-solving attitude rather than a defeatist one. As with anything wonderful in life, I anticipated the adoption journey would be similar. The specific challenges have been surprising (the time frame changing significantly, having to start over a few months in, Nate losing his job) and my increasing desire to become a parent has surprised me. But the fact that the road has not been entirely smooth is not a surprise.
So while the adoption seemed to stand still but the months rolled by so quickly, we still had faith. We knew God would provide, everything would work out eventually. We completely acknowledged there was a bigger picture and this was a temporary place. We had trust and faith in the bigger picture. But what I don't think we truly remembered is that God is in control of even the littlest details. Every part of this waiting period has been in His hands. There was work being done even when everything seemed so quiet. The timing of Nate's job offer was so perfect we couldn't believe it. We were in the middle of what was our first truly worrisome week financially when Nate prayed for a company he had interviewed with to keep him in mind as a candidate. Five minutes later he got a text letting him know he was being offered the job.
Trusting that everything will be fine is one thing, but having faith that everything IS fine is entirely different. It's not as though we are abandoned and then retrieved. There is so much going on behind the scenes that we could never understand. So much growth, so much preparation. Each day is filled with the moments that are supposed to be.
After notifying our placing and home study agencies, they were eager to get us right back into the process. Changes will be made to our home study, which means re-doing FBI checks, financial evaluations, medical physicals, insurance info and interviews. I couldn't be more excited to be doing paperwork again! As soon as we have our home study updated, we will send it to USCIS to be approved to adopt. Then, it will be sent to Taiwan and once the nursery in Taiwan knows we exist as adoptive parents the process to find a match can begin.
Things are moving again, which feels really good. But I hope whether the days feel like they are flying by or hardly moving, I remember that the goal is not just to get to a destination. The point is to appreciate the intricately planned details that are just what we need to experience.
Monday, January 13, 2014
In a Years Time
It has already been a year since we jumped into the adoption process! The conversation Nate and I had as we were in the car on one of our many drives to and from Michigan is very vivid in my memory. I am not a very patient person at all... once I get an idea in my head I do everything I can to bring it to fruition. This stubbornness has led me to many great life experiences that a more cautious me may not have had, but I'm also thankful that Nate balances my determination with thoughtfulness. Nate had known since our dating years that adoption was a hope of mine, but I knew that it was not a decision that I could rush or persuade him into. Surprisingly, I was able to tuck it away as a future dream and be patient. That made me all the more excited and confident when Nate shared, on that long drive through the nothingness of Indiana, that he thought the time was right for us to begin the process.
The greatest lesson I have learned/am continuing to learn is balance. From the beginning we had to find a balance between our expectations and reality. As we began to research, we quickly realized our expectations for the timeline, our eligibility, our options and the expenses were very different from what we imagined.
I also learned about the delicate balance surrounding the topic of adoption. It's such a complex topic with a complexity of relationships amongst several people. Some adoption stories are beautiful and heartwarming and others are filled with pain and confusion. It's not an area one can barge into with arrogance, but must be delicately approached with reverence and a lot of listening. I had to find a balance between recognizing the wounds surrounding adoption, but moving forward with a hope for reconciliation and healing.
I've also had to attempt to find a balance within this odd state of feeling like an expecting mother and feeling so far from motherhood. I had to hold back from buying a cute outfit in every size and both genders, but settle on bulking up my collection of children's books. Nate and I have found balance in making sure we aren't constantly talking about when the baby comes, but from time to time indulge in playing the parenting game (you know... "what would you do if our kid was acting like that?"). For the time being I'm content in socking away notes and knowledge I gain to use for someday. However, I can't deny the protective maternal feelings that continue to grow about our future child. Luckily Wesley the dog has no problem temporarily filling in as role of the baby.
Finally, I've had to balance patience with eagerness. My mind wavers between 'someday' and 'any day'. I feel as though I've found a healthy balance... I am living and enjoying each day and the special moments that make up the day. Nate and I are conscience to give thanks for all that we have and truly appreciate the people who are in our lives. But I do allow myself to get butterflies in my stomach thinking about the day we get a phone call with a match... in my mind playing the video of getting to meet our child for the first time... all of the firsts we will get to experience as a family.
Here's to a new year, filled with the possibility of both celebrations and struggles, and here's to taking it all in stride and being content along the way!
The greatest lesson I have learned/am continuing to learn is balance. From the beginning we had to find a balance between our expectations and reality. As we began to research, we quickly realized our expectations for the timeline, our eligibility, our options and the expenses were very different from what we imagined.
I also learned about the delicate balance surrounding the topic of adoption. It's such a complex topic with a complexity of relationships amongst several people. Some adoption stories are beautiful and heartwarming and others are filled with pain and confusion. It's not an area one can barge into with arrogance, but must be delicately approached with reverence and a lot of listening. I had to find a balance between recognizing the wounds surrounding adoption, but moving forward with a hope for reconciliation and healing.
I've also had to attempt to find a balance within this odd state of feeling like an expecting mother and feeling so far from motherhood. I had to hold back from buying a cute outfit in every size and both genders, but settle on bulking up my collection of children's books. Nate and I have found balance in making sure we aren't constantly talking about when the baby comes, but from time to time indulge in playing the parenting game (you know... "what would you do if our kid was acting like that?"). For the time being I'm content in socking away notes and knowledge I gain to use for someday. However, I can't deny the protective maternal feelings that continue to grow about our future child. Luckily Wesley the dog has no problem temporarily filling in as role of the baby.
Finally, I've had to balance patience with eagerness. My mind wavers between 'someday' and 'any day'. I feel as though I've found a healthy balance... I am living and enjoying each day and the special moments that make up the day. Nate and I are conscience to give thanks for all that we have and truly appreciate the people who are in our lives. But I do allow myself to get butterflies in my stomach thinking about the day we get a phone call with a match... in my mind playing the video of getting to meet our child for the first time... all of the firsts we will get to experience as a family.
Here's to a new year, filled with the possibility of both celebrations and struggles, and here's to taking it all in stride and being content along the way!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
An Unusually Calm Time of Year
Every year I find myself (and every person around me) saying, "I can't believe it's the holidays already!". November and December seem to be the culmination of an active, busy, tireless year. I've always treated the holidays like the final exams to a semester; sleep, sanity and friendliness are all at risk in order to complete the tasks at hand. If I can pass the holiday tests (which include at the least a great Thanksgiving dish to share, the perfect outfit for holiday parties and thoughtfully clever gifts for everyone) then I feel I've earned a sigh of relief heading into the New Year.
This year has felt very different. The holidays didn't sneak up on me, it seems like this year has moved in slow motion. Finally, it is the holidays! I'm actually excited and enjoying it, rather than trying to race through it to come out on the other side. It's certainly not because I intentionally have chosen to slow down and find peace during this season, but rather the circumstances that have come up throughout this slow-moving year have led to a different type of Christmas season for me, for which I am very thankful.
Considering our financial situation, we decided everyone would understand if we decided to do homemade gifts this year. At the least we thought we could all laugh about our attempted handiwork. Aside from requiring us to be thrifty and creative, Nate and I have also spent a lot of time working together on these which has been so great. (Getting to skip the mall is just an added bonus too!) Another reason this year feels different is because we decided we needed to stop spending our time focusing on what we wish we had and start being more generous and intentional with our time. We have felt free to spent time with family and friends and serve others. Lastly, there is a special joy and excitement this season as we think about the possibility of spending it with our little one next year. Creating traditions, giving thanks, experiencing the magic and mystery of the season... we can't wait to do all of this with our baby! While we are very realistic that there's a good chance we will not yet have travelled to Taiwan around this time next year, knowing there is a possibility brings immense hope and joy to us.
It is such a bizarre thought that our little one could be a tiny infant right now, that his or her birthmother could be struggling with the hardest decision of her life right now. We pray that the peace we are experiencing during this season will in some way reach these strangers. That both will feel safe, supported and loved.
Wishing you moments of calm and peace during this season!
This year has felt very different. The holidays didn't sneak up on me, it seems like this year has moved in slow motion. Finally, it is the holidays! I'm actually excited and enjoying it, rather than trying to race through it to come out on the other side. It's certainly not because I intentionally have chosen to slow down and find peace during this season, but rather the circumstances that have come up throughout this slow-moving year have led to a different type of Christmas season for me, for which I am very thankful.
Considering our financial situation, we decided everyone would understand if we decided to do homemade gifts this year. At the least we thought we could all laugh about our attempted handiwork. Aside from requiring us to be thrifty and creative, Nate and I have also spent a lot of time working together on these which has been so great. (Getting to skip the mall is just an added bonus too!) Another reason this year feels different is because we decided we needed to stop spending our time focusing on what we wish we had and start being more generous and intentional with our time. We have felt free to spent time with family and friends and serve others. Lastly, there is a special joy and excitement this season as we think about the possibility of spending it with our little one next year. Creating traditions, giving thanks, experiencing the magic and mystery of the season... we can't wait to do all of this with our baby! While we are very realistic that there's a good chance we will not yet have travelled to Taiwan around this time next year, knowing there is a possibility brings immense hope and joy to us.
It is such a bizarre thought that our little one could be a tiny infant right now, that his or her birthmother could be struggling with the hardest decision of her life right now. We pray that the peace we are experiencing during this season will in some way reach these strangers. That both will feel safe, supported and loved.
Wishing you moments of calm and peace during this season!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Home Day
On this date, twenty-one years ago, I met my little sister. She was nearly 5 months old and was the cutest baby I had ever seen.
Sure, her hair was kind of crazy and at first I wasn't sure if she was a boy or girl, but she was my little sister. I had a rotten redheaded older brother who I wanted to be just like, and now I had a sweet little sister who I could boss around and teach new things to.
From the time my parents told us we were going to be having a sibling, to the moment I met her, to twenty-one years later I have experienced the pride, protection and love that a big sister feels.
Not only is Chelsea's "Gotcha Day" important because it was the day our family became complete, but also because years later it has significantly influenced Nate and my decision to begin our family through adoption. Knowing our biological differences has made not one negative impact on our sisterly bond gives me complete confidence that families can be formed in many different ways.
I know that the adoption journey (beyond just the process of adoption) can sometimes be a difficult one, with pains and challenges. But the end hope is to bring a family together, each who needed one another. Our family absolutely needed Chel, and I can't imagine it without her.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Practicing Patience
Wow! It has been four months since we have posted anything. It's not that life has been too busy, or that we haven't thought about it. There were many times that I wanted to write, but when I thought through what I would share, I had a hard time being positive. For some reason it's really hard to admit when things just aren't going so well. I kept waiting, thinking that I would post once Situation A got better, or once there was a resolution to Situation B, etc. It's so much easier to share publicly when you have a success to celebrate. I didn't want to share all that was going on with us because I didn't want to seem like I was attempting to rally a pity party. Also it was because I was too stuck in our current circumstances to truly recognize and give thanks for the many many consistent blessings we have... I was not proud to be in that place.
So finally, I am here to write an update on what is going on with the adoption and beyond. Even though nothing ground breaking is happening with the adoption, every life situation that comes at us is in one way or another relative to our adoption.
Back in June, Nate lost his job. It was very unexpected and knocked our feet from underneath us. The timing of it, following our emotional adoptive country change, financial struggles, and other difficult life decisions, seemed almost too ironic to be real. Not only feeling confused and upset, we were worried about the adoption. Our budget has been as narrow as we could manage since January, diligently putting the necessary funds toward the adoption. Not only that, but having a strong health insurance plan and stable finances is important to even be approved for a home study.
Nate, being much stronger and hopeful than I, took a risk and began to work for a small family owned company completely unrelated to his video production work. Due to circumstances beyond his control, after just a few weeks, he was again without a job. In the meantime, we have kept in touch with our social worker and our placing agency and have been assured that this will not affect our adoption. In fact, our placing agency was planning to wait to submit our home study 5 months after it was finalized, in an effort to avoid having it expire before a referal. Once again we were affirmed that Taiwan is the right program for us. Very few programs allow you to have significant changes in your home study, even to the point of having to wait to finalize it, but still allow you to be moving on the waiting list.
Recently I received a call from our placing agency sharing that the nursery they partner with in Taiwan continues to successfully place children in need of a family with them. Just this last month they had 6 accepted referrals; children that will now be welcomed into their families! We continue to remain on the waiting list and are around 14th. This means the original estimate of about 1.5 years is still accurate! While we would be thrilled if that time frame shortened, we have found a place of peace and patience with the process and couldn't be happier to be on a waiting list.
As far as Nate's job and the many other unknowns in our life right now, we have also been practicing patience. We are learning that truly practicing patience requires us to also practice thanksgiving- to recognize our blessings... and there are so so many.
Thanks for following us and taking the time to read! Hopefully the next post will come much sooner than this one did.
Lindsey + Nate
So finally, I am here to write an update on what is going on with the adoption and beyond. Even though nothing ground breaking is happening with the adoption, every life situation that comes at us is in one way or another relative to our adoption.
Back in June, Nate lost his job. It was very unexpected and knocked our feet from underneath us. The timing of it, following our emotional adoptive country change, financial struggles, and other difficult life decisions, seemed almost too ironic to be real. Not only feeling confused and upset, we were worried about the adoption. Our budget has been as narrow as we could manage since January, diligently putting the necessary funds toward the adoption. Not only that, but having a strong health insurance plan and stable finances is important to even be approved for a home study.
Nate, being much stronger and hopeful than I, took a risk and began to work for a small family owned company completely unrelated to his video production work. Due to circumstances beyond his control, after just a few weeks, he was again without a job. In the meantime, we have kept in touch with our social worker and our placing agency and have been assured that this will not affect our adoption. In fact, our placing agency was planning to wait to submit our home study 5 months after it was finalized, in an effort to avoid having it expire before a referal. Once again we were affirmed that Taiwan is the right program for us. Very few programs allow you to have significant changes in your home study, even to the point of having to wait to finalize it, but still allow you to be moving on the waiting list.
Recently I received a call from our placing agency sharing that the nursery they partner with in Taiwan continues to successfully place children in need of a family with them. Just this last month they had 6 accepted referrals; children that will now be welcomed into their families! We continue to remain on the waiting list and are around 14th. This means the original estimate of about 1.5 years is still accurate! While we would be thrilled if that time frame shortened, we have found a place of peace and patience with the process and couldn't be happier to be on a waiting list.
As far as Nate's job and the many other unknowns in our life right now, we have also been practicing patience. We are learning that truly practicing patience requires us to also practice thanksgiving- to recognize our blessings... and there are so so many.
Thanks for following us and taking the time to read! Hopefully the next post will come much sooner than this one did.
Lindsey + Nate
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